7:49PM, Dec. 16, 2009, Kushinagar Exp.
When it comes to matters concerning God/religion or anything remotely mystical, I have always been an unrelenting skeptic… often tending to get on people’s nerves. In fact, the fact that they find it difficult to tolerate me deriding their faith provokes me further. On the other hand, I cannot say with complete conviction that I am without faith. I remember a friend telling me that being an agnostic guy was in all probability a convenient way of escaping from making a decision. Deep within, I know she’s right. Even so, I choose to maintain my status quo. Who doesn’t like some flexibility?
So, why am I getting into this ‘writer’ mode (this gives my ego a little boost 
) in the middle of a long train journey? Primarily, because, this IS a really long journey and I have nothing else to tame my boredom with. Secondly, it’s been more than a year since I’ve posted a thing on my blog. Lastly, I had never imagined myself envying someone similar to the people I am sharing my cubicle with. Today, I’ve surprised myself. There is this middle aged couple getting back to Bombay after a short visit to relatives in Kanpur. The lady of the two is a typical ‘gharelu’ housewife with her role earmarked in this story as being the husband-worshipping wife. The husband speaks with authority and has a holier-than-thou kind of attitude. He engages another passenger in a very serious conversation dealing with the concept of karma and the importance of keeping one’s evil deeds (paap) and good deeds (punya) favorably balanced. The willing recipient of this sermon nods in agreement, with an occasional (‘bilkul sahi kaha aapne’) line of appreciation. The wife adds that since the time her husband realized this Truth, he has done not one sinister thing knowingly. The husband, who had stopped momentarily to let his wife have her say, continues. Meanwhile, I take my laptop out of its bag.
What stirs me for the very first time in my life is the immense strength such faith gives its followers. While I try and be good because it seems the right thing to do, my fellow passengers do it purely because of their faith in simple math dealing with good and evil. If the (No. of good deeds – No. of evil deeds > 0), you’d be blessed with eternal happiness in the heavens. Karma doesn’t work once you are up there. So, enjoying the company of multiple virgins doesn’t raise the number of your evil deeds, which is great. On the flipside, if the above inequality changes its sign, you are doomed. Guess, it’s difficult to let the cynic in me from making an appearance.
Thing is, these people never despair in their time of suffering because they strongly believe that suffering on earth erases the evil deeds registered in their name in God’s log-book. On the other hand, people like me curse Him for handing out to us something we didn’t DESERVE. Now, here is an irony. I shall not insult you by explaining it to you. Just like you shouldn’t say ‘pun intended’ and trust the other person’s intelligent self to notice it. If you identify with me, this is intended to make you ponder. If you strike a chord with the three chatting on the lower berth below, this is to let you know that you rock and that I genuinely wish to be in your place. Only sometimes. I am still an agnostic.
As the news of my senior committing suicide reaches me, I feel its high time people outside and also some people inside(read professors)the IITs realize how dark life can get for a student of these ‘prestigious’ institutes. The rate at which such tragedies have struck only lays bare the fact that something is terribly wrong with the system. Myself, being a student of IITK am not at all exaggerating when I say that most of us are under unimaginable pressure which only increases when our academic performances aren’t up to the expectations of not only our parents and teachers but also our peers. I can hardly dare to guess the ‘score’ the next year onwards when we have somewhere around fifty percent of the intake who has got admitted on merit…
Another point I found worth mentioning is the perception people outside have of students studying @ the IITs. I have had some very interesting and disturbing reactions when it comes to students ending their lives.Some feel that IITians can’t handle stress as well as others can. They are isolated from the ‘real’ world and hence aren’t exposed to hardships everyone has to deal with. Well, I beg to differ.Now, you may say that I am bound to defend IITians since I myself belong to that group. Yes, this is true but the reasons behind me speaking out go beyond mere loyalty to the institute.I have experienced life here for an entire year now, and have seen and experienced from close quarters, the problems students have to deal with. When the troubles keep on adding up and never seem to stop, life does seem worth-getting-rid-of. I am in no way trying to justify people ending their lives. I only hope that people deal these occurrences a bit more sensitively and not go overboard with labeling the victims ‘too weak’. Yes, they had been weak when they did what they did…but its not entirely their fault. Maybe, they didn’t have a sound support system around them. They got pushed to the very limits of human tolerance and that is when they broke.
I guess, it would serve our purpose better if we try to go to the root of the problem and not be satisfied with blaming the easy targets.
I was just surfing for some anagrams and used an anagram generator to solve TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE. We all know that Rowling meant this to be rearranged into I AM LORD VOLDEMORT.What was funny was one of the results that popped up.If you see carefully,one can also write it as MILD DOORMAT LOVER !!!!!!!!!!!
This post of mine is dedicated to Rahul Singh,Abhishek Puranik,Abhimanyu Singh(mota),Shishir Anand(Chichir) – some of my best pals at college.
I realize that lately, my posts have been linked to my college life in some way or the other.However, I would make no conscious effort to avoid writing about them since that is what life these days is all about.I haven’t fallen in love to write about ‘that‘ wonderful feeling…haven’t had a heart-break to shed cyber-tears ( my apologies to all jilted lovers for being so insensitive)…..the only thing worth-mentioning is a horrible mid-sem exam I just took.That again is linked to college and something I wouldn’t want to write about !!!!
What I am going to write is about something which showed me a ray of hope in some of the bleakest times I have had to endure on campus.Examinations at IIT are meant to snatch the peace of mind of poor, innocent, unsuspecting blokes of my kind and the midsems this time were no exception.The pressure would be enough to squeeze vodka out of rocks ! Poor joke,I know,but probably nothing else could have explained it better.
Some day in the life of a hostelite – After a particularly depressing session of mugging in the Lib,me along with Rahul,Puranik,Mota and Chichir are our way back to the hostel.Mota is plugged on to his iPod.All of a sudden,he goes like,”ta da…tadaaa..tadaa tadaa,I walk this empty street down the boulevard of broken dreams…….“.Mota singing in his bulldozerwala awaaz has this effect of inspiring all of us to forget all our worries,at least temporarily ! So,the five of us are walking in the academic area intoxicated by the song’s lyrics,singing in our worst possible voices………at midnight……,” I walk a lonely road,the only one that I have ever known…..”.
That is when I realized that these pals will always accompany me on any path that gets too lonely to traverse.All of us would be facing the same calamity but with each others’ support, a lonely road would hardly remain that ! Life seemed so much simpler then.I wish that song had never ended.I wish we would never have to move out of the secure life we live now.But then,there are challenges to be faced,goals to be achieved,people to be made proud….our paths would then be different but our destination would remain the same ……
There is a similar list going around in campus.I thought I should make one of my own.So,you know you are a student of the II of T,Kanpur when…….
- You think of compiling such a stupid list
- You do this when you have a quiz around and are ‘super-frust’ …. (frust = frustrated)
- You find the IIT lingo real cool.
- Every night, you resolve to attend every class the next day.Every day of yours is spent in pondering about why you missed all classes that day.
- You always wanted to be here till you actually did.Once in,you always want to leave this place till you actually do.
- In your first year,you curse your luck for landing in an institute with only a trace of the fairer sex.By the time you graduate,you are still doing the same.
- You feel you have scored a great goal when all you have done is mustered the courage to ask a visiting female participant if she needs any help(their visits are reminders of what a beautiful world it is outside the campus walls).She says,”Will you please mind your own business ?”
- You get hitched through orkut only to realize that the ‘girl’ is your roommate !! Nah,you don’t dare to harm him…..hell would break lose if he spreads word about how ‘romantic’ you are !
- The only clothes you apparently have are those glorifying your hall/department,the innumerable fests…but never the insti as a whole !
- You can’t decide which food is worse – the mess food or the canteen food ?? You simply avoid both and survive on fruit chats,fruit juices and yeah….dozens of eggs.
- Lord Voldemort looks like an Amnesty International activist relative to da profs here.
- Food is the only incentive that can stop you from keeping on typing endlessly.
So,here I bow before Hunger,the Almighty and dash off to his service……….
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