'Bulla'scape

A Candid Confession

SoumilInterrupted — Fri, 20 May 2011 21:13:46 +0000

This post is meant for those of my kind. To the ones who are not perpetually dissatisfied with the ways their lives and
careers are shaping up. To the rebels who don’t give a damn about what others might think about their attitude. To the
chilled out cool dudes and dudettes(yes there are chilled out girls too, I think/hope).
To all of us, defiant ones, who ask: Is it a crime to not be very ambitious?

I asked this very question to a very dear friend of mine. One who’s a zillion times more driven than I can ever be. I was
then in the mood for a heated debate. One which I would win by brute force. It was also a minor rant. Something that could be better framed as,”Why the fuck does the world look down upon those with modest aims in life?” The reply: No, it isn’t a crime. This answer made me lose my footing. I promptly changed the topic. In one of my very recent ‘introspection sessions’, I thought about the answer. And about what I would have said if someone ‘behind enemy lines’ had asked me something like,”Why the fuck do you think its a crime to be as ambitious as we are?” Certainly, my answer wouldn’t have been as short as the reply I had gotten. It would have felt good and satisfying to belt out a discourse on the importance of the ‘larger’ things in life and moving beyond mere career-enhancement. To add to it, I would have bragged to the other ‘cool doods’ about showing the enemy its place.

Now that many of you smarter peeps have begun seeing signs of me turning into a deserter, this is where you may stop reading. I, however, urge you to muster some courage and read on. For once, let’s quit being cowards and face the ugly truth. Let’s stop fooling ourselves into believing in the fake bravado we so often portray. Most of the times, our state of mind is nothing beyond a defense mechanism against not just the world looking down upon us but also us loathing ourselves and the difficult situations we put ourselves into, owing to our laidback lifestyles. Its far more easier to say,”Main karta nahin kyunki main karna hi nahin chahta” than to actually move our lazy bums and do it (BTW, this might also be true about our lack of success with the ladies ). Also, if we move away from our blinkered thinking for a while and be just a little objective, it is not difficult to see that there’s nothing wrong with someone who works his/her ass off to do well. Absolutely nothing. It is they who are taking the pains. Not an ounce is inflicted on us. The root cause of us wanting to rip their heads off with hatred is by all means insecurity. Just because we aren’t willing to go the extra mile to stay ahead of the competition, we hate everyone who does. Deep within we are probably envious to an extent too. We still aren’t sure where our way of life will take us. It stings to see someone secure his/her future way before we even begin thinking about what we want to do with our lives. That is plain unfair. As someone pointed out to me, the guy you so hate might be wanting to be just like you. Its just the circumstances that have forced him into being someone he doesn’t prefer to be. Someone who NEEDS to be much more responsible than you.

I still maintain that there’s nothing wrong with us being the way we are. Precisely because that is the way we are wired (I
honestly don’t think being lazy is a vice). The least we can do is accept the ‘other’ kind. Let them be. It’s a free country!
And let’s be bloody thankful that we still have a choice to be the way we want to be.

Here’s to all the ‘maggu’ junta who might happen to read this… I NO LONGER DESPISE YOU AND AM SORRY IF I’VE EVER BEEN MEAN TO YOU. Cheers!

Filed under: Random

Do you believe?

SoumilInterrupted — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 15:25:43 +0000

7:49PM, Dec. 16, 2009, Kushinagar Exp.

When it comes to matters concerning God/religion or anything remotely mystical, I have always been an unrelenting skeptic… often tending to get on people’s nerves. In fact, the fact that they find it difficult to tolerate me deriding their faith provokes me further. On the other hand, I cannot say with complete conviction that I am without faith. I remember a friend telling me that being an agnostic guy was in all probability a convenient way of escaping from making a decision. Deep within, I know she’s right. Even so, I choose to maintain my status quo. Who doesn’t like some flexibility? 
So, why am I getting into this ‘writer’ mode (this gives my ego a little boost ) in the middle of a long train journey? Primarily, because, this IS a really long journey and I have nothing else to tame my boredom with. Secondly, it’s been more than a year since I’ve posted a thing on my blog. Lastly, I had never imagined myself envying someone similar to the people I am sharing my cubicle with. Today, I’ve surprised myself. There is this middle aged couple getting back to Bombay after a short visit to relatives in Kanpur. The lady of the two is a typical ‘gharelu’ housewife with her role earmarked in this story as being the husband-worshipping wife. The husband speaks with authority and has a holier-than-thou kind of attitude. He engages another passenger in a very serious conversation dealing with the concept of karma and the importance of keeping one’s evil deeds (paap) and good deeds (punya) favorably balanced. The willing recipient of this sermon nods in agreement, with an occasional (‘bilkul sahi kaha aapne’) line of appreciation. The wife adds that since the time her husband realized this Truth, he has done not one sinister thing knowingly. The husband, who had stopped momentarily to let his wife have her say, continues. Meanwhile, I take my laptop out of its bag.
What stirs me for the very first time in my life is the immense strength such faith gives its followers. While I try and be good because it seems the right thing to do, my fellow passengers do it purely because of their faith in simple math dealing with good and evil. If the (No. of good deeds – No. of evil deeds > 0), you’d be blessed with eternal happiness in the heavens. Karma doesn’t work once you are up there. So, enjoying the company of multiple virgins doesn’t raise the number of your evil deeds, which is great. On the flipside, if the above inequality changes its sign, you are doomed. Guess, it’s difficult to let the cynic in me from making an appearance.
Thing is, these people never despair in their time of suffering because they strongly believe that suffering on earth erases the evil deeds registered in their name in God’s log-book. On the other hand, people like me curse Him for handing out to us something we didn’t DESERVE. Now, here is an irony. I shall not insult you by explaining it to you. Just like you shouldn’t say ‘pun intended’ and trust the other person’s intelligent self to notice it. If you identify with me, this is intended to make you ponder. If you strike a chord with the three chatting on the lower berth below, this is to let you know that you rock and that I genuinely wish to be in your place. Only sometimes. I am still an agnostic. 

Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: humour, introspection

Shot!

SoumilInterrupted — Mon, 03 May 2010 01:23:30 +0000

This is a short story I wrote as part of a creative writing assignment in an English literature course in college. I might as well revive my blog with this post.

The beans lay peeled and promised a sumptuous meal. Abebi skillfully lit a small pile of dry wood and rested an earthen pot full of water on it. She knew the men would welcome the meal after having spent the morning hunting some wild boar. Didn’t her father always tell her mother,” What good would a woman be without her gift of being able to reproduce and feed her man?” She then cursed Azrail for the second time since dawn. The first being when one year old Bujune bit her finger to wake her up. Abebi wished she didn’t have to act mother to Bujune. She was nine and it would still be almost five years before she would have had her first child. The Gods had been unkind to snatch her mother in exchange of Bujune. Her train of thoughts was stopped by the sound of footsteps approaching her hut. Were they back already? That couldn’t be. She listened intently. They did not sound like the hunting party. It was only one pair of footsteps approaching the hut and they were not barefoot. It was one person steadily nearing the hut.

The ragged curtain that hung at the entrance of the hut was gently lifted. Abebi looked up, curious. The harsh tropical sun announced its presence from behind the silhouette of the figure, standing still. The sunrays made Abebi wince. The intruder gingerly stepped forward into the hut. The curtain dropped behind him, shielding the room and her eyes from the harsh glare. Abebi could now see him clearly. The sight made her hair stand on end. Her heart pounded against her little chest. This was the second time she was seeing a white man. A thousand memories flashed in her mind in that moment. Not one pleasant. Just weeks ago, her father was livid with ‘outsiders’ killing elephants near their tribe’s settlement. He had described them as being a band of black men as themselves, being led by a white ghostly man. Wanting to stop their rampage, Abebi’s father had set out with his primitive arsenal of a bow and a few arrows. Unable to contain her curiosity about the white ‘ghost’, Abebi had sneaked out of the hut and followed her father. She trembled as the memory of events which followed sucked out all hope out of her. The cruel smile of the white man after having shot a hole through her father’s chest had haunted her ever since. Abebi’s worst nightmares had the man pointing at her face, the tool with which he had shot her father.

Abebi stumbled backwards as the man advanced slowly. He smiled. Abebi grabbed her brother and held him close. Too close. Were all evil men white? Were all white men evil? Abebi found the answer as the man pulled out a gun similar to the one which had claimed her father’s life. Only, this one had a wider nozzle. This probably was because there were two people to be murdered instead of one. The water in the pot boiled. The only sound in the hut was made by the restless water pumping against the walls of the pot. The ‘ghost’ raised the gun to take aim. Abebi shut her eyes tight. Strangely, all fear left her. She felt liberated.

CLICK. A very distinct click. A burst of light penetrated her eyelids. Abebi felt no pain. The transition was supposed to be quick. Abebi felt all earthly worries escape her. Through shut eyes, Abebi saw her mother and father beaming at her. Bujune lay sound asleep against her mother’s bosom. Weightlessness. Azrail had been kind. The burning wood crackled and Abebi opened her eyes. Something did not seem right. The heavens weren’t supposed to look like her hut. What was the ‘ghost’ doing here? Abebi’s parents had disappeared. Bujune felt heavy in her arms. The white man’s gun had a scroll rolling out of it. He pulled it out and examined it. He had satisfaction writ all over his face. He held the scroll up for Adebi to see. She saw herself, frozen in time.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Azrail – an African God associated with death

Alternate title – Black and White

Filed under: On Campus, Random

An Introspection

SoumilInterrupted — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 08:44:43 +0000

While a lot is being said or shouted, to be more precise, with regards Galaxy and its implications, most of it comes from two extremely polarized perspectives – the winners and the losers. What we actually need is a totally objective view on the state of things in IITK. Let me make an attempt.
Rivalry between certain halls has long gone beyond being competitive and healthy rivalry. People derive more pleasure out of seeing their rivals fail than in succeeding themselves. We have neither learnt to be humble victors nor gracious losers. The fact that we never consider losing in a competition as an outcome of fair play is testimony to this. At the same time, we never are willing to think of our wins as outcomes of poor judging. Before we begin accusing each other of behaving in a certain manner it might do us a whole lot of good to ask ourselves how we would have acted had we been in their place. Is there really a difference between students that is defined by the hostel he/she resides in??
Halls (including Hall 6) other than the two majorly squabbling ones deserve much more respect than they are accorded. Their apparent ‘inferiority’ when it comes to competition is due to factors that surely do not include the lack of talent. All of us need to be sensible enough to recognize the fact that talent is equally divided amongst all hostels simply because students are randomly sorted into these.
Now that Galaxy has been revived and done with, questions are being raised about the point of having a competition that some say only brings out the ‘worst’ in us. When will we realize that the fault is not in Galaxy? The fault lies in us. Deflecting the blame to something which wouldn’t protest is hardly manly. We need to wake up to the fact that if things continue the way they are, we stand to lose a lot. This is the time to introspect instead of trying to find fault with the way things have shaped up because of ‘THEM’.

Posted in Cry outs!, On Campus Tagged: Galaxy, IIT Kanpur, IITK, rivalry

What follows a shower of bullets?

SoumilInterrupted — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 08:53:40 +0000

As I write this post, I know that combing operations are on at the very Taj Heritage lobby where I had the chance to ogle at Graeme Smith, Shane Watson and the likes. The seat on which the CNN IBN reporter then sat might now be crimson or black depending on the number of hours that have passed since the latest ‘colors’ were splattered on it. The ever-warm VT station which welcomed my group of friends whenever we went hanging out at the Marine Drive is now a picture of cold horror. The snap of the well-lit Oberoi which is the screensaver of my cell-phone no longer gets me nostalgic.

After all this, I am expected to be resilient, expected to keep the ‘spirit’ of Bombay intact, expected to bounce back. Most of us Mumbaikars then proudly do exactly what we are expected to do putting up a brave front and bragging in front of others that life goes on. Living in fear isn’t what we are known for. Let me ask you a simple question – Is this ‘bravado’ justified? What have we survivors lost to be resilient? Only those who have fallen can bounce back. I haven’t got a scratch and neither have my friends or family. Who are we to proclaim that we don’t get bogged down by such ‘cowardly’ acts? Deep within, all of us, including myself are glad that we weren’t at any of the places that were targeted.

As has been pointed out by many, the political system in place in the country is largely responsible for the inefficient handling of the situation. It’s not the police or the NSG that are incompetent, the problem lies with the white-collar babus who somehow feel that they are best suited to decide the nation’s security policies. Some of these wimps even have the audacity to suggest reforms in the salary structures of our jawans. Cost-cutting measures include restricting the rations issued to the men in uniform. By the way, where has Mr. Raj Thackeray disappeared with his MNS cronies?? I couldn’t help smiling when I read a comment on one of the news forums asking Raj if he had ensured that all the commandos fighting for the Marathi ‘manoos’ were Maharashtrians!! I am sure a lot of ‘biharis’ in the force have ‘snatched’ jobs from a lot of deserving Marathis. If he wants to see what a Marathi manoos is, ask him to bow before Karkare, Kamte, Salaskar and their comrades.

The aftermath of every tragedy has questions coming about what the course of action should now be. For the first time in all these years, I have no answer whatsoever

For better writings visit: Rocky Road

Posted in Cry outs! Tagged: anguish, Mumbai, Taj, terrorist

Ya Khuda!

SoumilInterrupted — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 11:40:20 +0000

It was some obscure night in the summer preceding my third semester and I was home on a long vacation. Tuning in to Red FM at around 2 am and then trying to sleep was part of my daily routine then. That was when I first heard this song – Bandya ho…The tune was awesome and I was totally mesmerized by the beat. Halfway through the song, I realized that I wasn’t able to make out a single word of it, let alone the meaning. That seriously jeopardized my chances of downloading the track and listening to it again. I thought I should record the piece on another cell phone and then play it for my friends back in college. Someone of them might recognize the song and end my search right there! My dyslexic brain took a lot of time to figure this out and in the end all I could record were some ten seconds of undecipherable words.

Still, being the optimist that I declare myself to be, I asked one of the many ‘Bollywood encyclopedias’ here if they had heard this song. The disappointed look on their face said it all and I gave up hope of ever listening to that masterpiece again. Soon I forgot about the song and to quote an overused cliche again…life moved on. That was sometime in the month of July. And then yesterday, I sat down to watch a much acclaimed film called Khuda Kay Liye. Halfway through the movie, came ‘THE SONG’! Call it a miracle or whatever you want…I now didn’t care about how awesome or aweful the movie would turn out to be…I had somehow struck gold! These are times when the agnostic in me starts to believe.

To add to it all, the movie turned out to be great. I bow before Shoaib Mansoor who’s made this movie one of the very best I have ever watched. It takes a place at the top,the very top. Maybe this is what cinema is all about. I don’t want this post to turn into a movie review, but yeah…if there is one movie I recommend watching, this has to be it. Only a genius can create such magic.MUST WATCH.

Of course, needless to say, the music’s wonderful and fits wonderfully into the film.

Here are the lyrics with the translation:

Bundeya hoo Bundeya

Bundeya hoo..oo…ooo

Bundeya hoo Bundeya

Bundeya hoo..oo…ooo

{Banda means person…. Bandeya Means ‘Man/Mankind’….}

Bullay Noun Samjhawan Ayaan

Bheynaan Tay Bherjaiyaan

Man Lay Bulleya Sada Kena

Chad Day Pala Rayaan

{Bulleh’s sisters and bhabhiaan (sister in laws) came to convince him. Bulleh, Please do as we tell you and leave araain’s (a caste) company}

Aal Nabi Ullad Nabi Noun

Tu Kyoun Leekaan Layaan

“Jeyra Saanoun Syed Saday

Dozukh Milan Sazaiyaan”

{Why do you want to insult Prophet’s and Ali’s decendant (by having lower caste in your company)? The one who address us as syed will go to hell. But the one who addresses us as Araain will enjoy comforts of heaven}

Bundeya hoo Bundeya

Bundeya hoo..oo…ooo

Bundeya hoo Bundeya

Bundeya hoo..oo…ooo

Face the world with a smile

No one knows what hid inside

They see only happiness

they cant see the tears i have cried

Raain, Saain, Sabhan Thaain

Rab Deyaan Bay Parwaaiyaan

Sohniyaan Paray Hatayaan Tay

Khoojiyaan Lay Gall Laiyaan

{Arain and masters are born at every place, God doesn’t discriminate against anyone. Beautiful people (at heart) doesn’t care for such differences, only ugly ones do}

Jay To Loorain Baagh Baharaan

Chaakar Hoo Ja Raiyaan

Bulley Shah Dee Zaat Kee Puchni

Shakar Ho Razayaan

{If you need gardens of heaven, be servant to araains. Why do you ask caste of Bulleh Shah? Instead be grateful to God.}

Bundeya hoo Bundeya

Bundeya hoo..oo…ooo

Bundeya hoo Bundeya

Bundeya hoo..oo…ooo

Posted in Cinema Tagged: Cinema, Khuda Kay Liye, Movie, Muslim, Pakistan

When I went to class…

SoumilInterrupted — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 18:18:00 +0000

Genuinely attempting attending all classes this semester is one of my latest resolutions. I had never imagined classes being anything but inhuman tortures poor students are subjected to. Those who did attend them were probably seeking atonement of their sins. As the new time-table came out, I was one of the many who groaned on seeing that we were supposed to remain in the classrooms from 8 o’ clock in the morning till 1 in the afternoon. This marathon lecture series was supposed to be devoid of any breaks (unless, of course, I chose to break my resolution).

With much effort, I and my wingies have managed to be somewhat regular in class during the first week. What surprised me the most is that classes aren’t all that dry and uninteresting. Especially when your thermodynamics professor goes on and on and on with lines like, “Only macroscopic kinetic energy can essentially cause mechanical work. Essentially what happens is that this kinetic energy essentially raises the internal energy of the system. I hope you recall that internal energy is essentially a state function unlike heat which is essentially a path function. “ According to a mate who was ‘essentially’ awake during the entire lecture, the word ‘essentially’ was uttered ninety eight times within that hour. To accompany that, the instructor willingly used the air quotes on thirty one instances. Whatever the histrionics be, thermo was my favourite topic and hence this lecture was also the most bearable.

Where Thermo wasn’t much of a pain, Fluid Mechanics a.k.a. FluMech was poles apart. The instructor had had this brainwave of allotting a seat number to every student. Not only did that separate me from my league of last-benchers but also got me marooned amongst completely new people. Also, having no cute girl sitting nearby added another tinge of sadness….These are times when you are glad you have a camera phone. You can always weave a story out of your snaps. Here are some of them….

Empty seats, people catching up on their beauty-sleep and hangman in ‘essentially’ more than half the registers … well, L17 isn’t all that uninteresting!

Tring Tring…

SoumilInterrupted — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 07:57:00 +0000

Its 8am…an earthly hour by my standards. It is the time when I am lost in deep, blissful slumber. That is when my cellphone rings. I don’t remember setting an alarm last night. Those who know me even a little bit know not to call me up at this early in the morning. The caller seems unknown. Its the first time I am seeing this number. Must be a friend who’s got a new SIM to chat with his/her partner. I bless the telecom companies who’ve come up with wonderful schemes for the young Romeos and Juliets. I receive the call …………..

A shrill, loud, blood-curdling and to top it all…a female voice(my apologies to all the lady readers ) greets me with, “ Kya aap apni purani ringtone se chhutkara paana chahte hain? Dial kijiye ****** aur paiye latest Bollywood ringtones bilkul muft. Isse accha mauka aur kahaan? Jaldi kijiye, offer sirf aaj ke din valid rahegi( from that day onwards, i got such a call EVERYDAY). Call charges ‘sirf’ 6 rupaiye prati minute…After this Himesh Reshamiya starts howling into my earpiece…I have had enough already and I end the call.

In the midst of my silent cursing, my cell buzzes off and I realize that a ruppee has been deducted from my balance. These guys know I am ‘roaming’! My resolve to cut the next call I receive from these pricks is broken the same day when the guys call me again using yet another number…

Love actually…

SoumilInterrupted — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 08:25:00 +0000

The moment I saw her for the first time, my heart skipped a beat. Nah…not one but a few beats. Her delicate persona was magnetic. I knew she was the One for me. She had an aura of purity I couldn’t attribute to any single feature of hers. I smiled and I think she smiled back too. I wanted to touch her, feel her, and know her better. Somehow I knew this was the beginning of a new long-lasting relationship. Maybe this is what people called love at first sight. We had a long journey ahead of us. Together, it wouldn’t be too daunting. I would stand by her till the very end. Her fresh look assured me that she would never tire of being my companion. I no longer felt lonely. With her around, I needed no one else. She was going to be one friend who would never ever betray me. Nervous, I found my hand reaching for her. I touched her and knew immediately what unadulterated bliss was. I wanted to say something but also found the silence magical. It must have been a few minutes before I actually spoke. Her reply however shattered all my dreams. Hell broke loose and I lay stunned. I didn’t know whom to blame. Maybe, things like this happened only to some unfortunate few like me. All she had managed to say was: “Audio drivers have not been installed. Please contact an authorized dealer to fix the problem”

My new laptop had betrayed me.

I thought of writing this piece as I watched the trailer of some flick called ‘Love Story 2050’. Going by the pace the world today is moving, I don’t find such a tragedy impossible. Lol…

Whose fault is it anyway ?

SoumilInterrupted — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 14:34:00 +0000

As the news of my senior committing suicide reaches me, I feel its high time people outside and also some people inside(read professors)the IITs realize how dark life can get for a student of these ‘prestigious’ institutes. The rate at which such tragedies have struck only lays bare the fact that something is terribly wrong with the system. Myself, being a student of IITK am not at all exaggerating when I say that most of us are under unimaginable pressure which only increases when our academic performances aren’t up to the expectations of not only our parents and teachers but also our peers. I can hardly dare to guess the ‘score’ the next year onwards when we have somewhere around fifty percent of the intake who has got admitted on merit…

Another point I found worth mentioning is the perception people outside have of students studying @ the IITs. I have had some very interesting and disturbing reactions when it comes to students ending their lives.Some feel that IITians can’t handle stress as well as others can. They are isolated from the ‘real’ world and hence aren’t exposed to hardships everyone has to deal with. Well, I beg to differ.Now, you may say that I am bound to defend IITians since I myself belong to that group. Yes, this is true but the reasons behind me speaking out go beyond mere loyalty to the institute.I have experienced life here for an entire year now, and have seen and experienced from close quarters, the problems students have to deal with. When the troubles keep on adding up and never seem to stop, life does seem worth-getting-rid-of. I am in no way trying to justify people ending their lives. I only hope that people deal these occurrences a bit more sensitively and not go overboard with labeling the victims ‘too weak’. Yes, they had been weak when they did what they did…but its not entirely their fault. Maybe, they didn’t have a sound support system around them. They got pushed to the very limits of human tolerance and that is when they broke.

I guess, it would serve our purpose better if we try to go to the root of the problem and not be satisfied with blaming the easy targets.